Dear White People, I AM TIRED.

Dear White People,

I was going to just vent to my friends and family about how exhausting my experience in yet another predominantly white space has been but I figured it is best that I just let you ALL know. I am fucking tired of being your cookie cutter, not too black, just black enough diversity hire, black girl. I AM TIRED OF IT.

I am tired of letting your subtly racist remarks go unchecked, hoping you don’t actually realize what you say is racist. YOU KNOW. I am tired of trying to explain why what you do or say is racist. I am tired of listening to how you felt prejudiced against  because you were the only white worker at your job for two years, try feeling excluded your entire life and in literally any space you enter. I am tired of you pretending you don’t notice that I am black or that I am just black enough to not offend you. I am tired of being made aware of the other black person in the facility because maybe the hundreds of other people in the building weren’t important enough to be made aware of. I am tired of hearing you defend that fucking confederate flag. IT IS RACIST. I am tired of constantly being made aware of my blackness, I know. I am tired of CONSTANTLY wondering if I am actually good enough or just here because you needed “diversity”. I am tired of being in a conversation and you speaking directly to the white person next to me, I notice it. I am tired of your fake alliance pretending you aren’t prejudiced but constantly invalidating my experience because it simply isn’t yours so “it can’t be true”. I am tired of having my anger turn into silent tears in semi-private places just so I don’t seem like that angry emotional black woman even though what you just said is offensive. I am tired of you defending your prejudices because me being offended is the problem, right? I am tired of you “allies” who do not check the racists in your friend and family groups just to keep the peace. I am tired hearing how you “love” rap music or hate it. I don’t care for country music but I don’t tell every white person I see. I am tired of you enjoying literally every other culture but when it comes to things central to black culture it is just too much or you constantly find something to hate. And for Christ’s sake, I am tired of you excusing your prejudices with the old-ass “I have black friends” rhetoric.

Sincerely,

Tired of being tired.