Frustration and Feeling Defeated.

As many of you know I was recently awarded my Bachelor’s of Fine Art degree in Sculpture/Ceramics from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. I was happy to be finally receiving my degree and even happier to be receiving it in something I loved. (FIVE long years!) University was amazing although incredibly tough given many issues I had faced during my time there, but nonetheless a great experience. However, I wish I was warned about post-graduation depression especially as a person who has and is dealing with anxiety and depression. As I am nearing the three month mark since my graduation date, I’ve begun feeling so insignificant and mediocre while simultaneously feeling like my degree is worthless and that I am loosing my footing on otherwise already unsteady ground. I know that art is an incredibly scarce job market unless you’re a graphic designer or photographer, even then the available jobs are still slim to none. However, I chose to have a career in this field because it is something that I am passionate about. But, does passion pay your bills? Maybe. I will choose to believe, strongly, that it does or at least it will, eventually. I keep finding myself wanting to skip the steps, wanting to start businesses, pursue large projects, and move forward to being an established career artist as if anyone knows my name or who I am yet. Every day for the past few weeks I’ve been working on a dream that I feel may never come to fruition(a fleeting feeling, I hope). This passion and continued busy lifestyle has disrupted and quite possibly ended valued friendships and relationships but maybe I wasn’t sacrificing myself enough, maybe I wasn’t vocal enough. I am doing what I can to work on and continue a dream whilst attempting to silence demons all at the same time.  It’s not that I don’t care or value those people either. However, we live in a merciless culture that places the amount of love and value someone has for them on the amount of time they spend calling, texting, or hanging out. I get it. I won’t make excuses for myself, I’m imperfect but I will offer myself, if no one else, reprieve and forgiveness. *sigh* Post-graduation depression is so real and ever-present, I wish I was aware of that. Huge changes will do that, I guess but I’ll manage. I always do.

As always,

Peace, love, & light ❤