Self-love was not something that I had found until just a few months ago and it was truly an uphill battle to finally get there. Throughout the majority of my life I was always constantly reminded that I was unattractive, or not thin enough, or that my skin wasn’t light enough, or that I was”pretty, for a dark girl.” Those words began to resonate with me and took up a seemingly permanent residence inside of my mind. I just was not good enough. Then, I began spiraling into a frenzy of self-deprecating behavior and trying to do everything I could to fit inside the very small box of what I was told was true “American” beauty. But, truth be told…there was and is no such thing. American beauty is a myth and beauty is subjective just like tastes in food are.
What truly helped begin my journey to self-care and self-love was to become less judgmental, more compassionate, and to ditch any negative behaviors, whether it were my own or someone else’s. I had to become more mindful of how I spoke to myself and when I did, I had to question if I would say those things to someone else. I would no longer internalize harmful feelings about myself. I also stopped gossiping and superficially judging things or people; not entirely because there may potentially be this “unknown backstory” but because being a decent person also meant treating people with kindness and offering them (or it) an opportunity to be totally themselves and not judged for it. Even when they aren’t the nicest of people, I still offer compassion and warmth. I began seeing the beauty in things and people that I, formerly, did not see in myself and I am better for it.
I also had to stop looking at myself as if I had to be perfect and have the same qualities of some sort of celestial being. We have to learn to forgive ourselves. We are human. We laugh, we cry, we hurt, we feel, we make mistakes, but that is what makes us who we are. We have the capacity to change and grow, and there is beauty in that alone.
Valuing yourself means placing importance on your thought of yourself above all else. You are the only voice and opinion that remains constant and the only one that is important. The way we are treated by people, especially in damaging personal relationships, does not determine our value or what we deserve. Do not EVER let anyone tell you that you are not good enough because you are.
I cannot give you an entire list of steps to take in order to love and value yourself because the journey is different for everyone but it is an important one to take. Lastly, you are worthy of love and care. You are beautiful. You are an important piece of the puzzle and it would never be complete without you. I value you.
I believe it, but do you?
Peace, love, and light. <3